Okay.. So I bought contacts called “Twilight Brown” some time ago.. And I just tried it on for fun right now. WOW what the hell, I did not expect the name of the packaging to really mean TWILIGHT (Edward and Bella kind of Twilight) BROWN. Maybe I’ll take a picture of it later… My eyes looked fucking vampire-y as hell. I need to be more careful of the contacts I choose from now on… After my other one ripped my cornea, I’ve been scared to continue wearing them…
Maybe I’ll keep the twilight browns for Halloween this year… Maybe i’ll dress up as Alice or something. LOL!
The reason why my sleep cycle has been COMPLETELY thrown off track. (I slept at 5:30AM last night reading it.) And yes, it’s about the same war in Uganda mentioned in the Invisible Children documentary! If you plan on picking this up, I have to warn you… Some parts of this book are extremely graphic and disturbing.
1. Drive to Minado and ease my starvation right now. Alone, if I had to.
2. Drive to Splish Splash and jump in the wave pool. Then eat funnel cake and rainbow Dip n Dots. (Not alone. LOL That just wouldn’t be fun..)
3. Book a hotel in Newport, RI and drive out there. Spend a few days..
4. Drive to my cousin’s house in VA to see my nephew and niece. Although my nephew probably won’t remember me.. He’s probably in his brat phase. I still miss him and want to see how much he’s grown, and of course see the new niece! ;]
5. Drive to Roosey Field and look for a new bikini.
I’m not saying I’m not good right now. I’m saying I could’ve been happier. While time rolls on like it’s supposed to, the thought of “what could’ve been” is only taunting me harder… It’s too late. It’s always too late. It’s always going to be that way.
This has got to be the third time I wrote out a full apology on Facebook messages. I can’t understand why I can’t apologize to you.. Even after all I’ve done. I’m scared that you may think I don’t mean it.. Or that you may think I’m only saying that because of what’s happened. I’m scared you might think it’s all out of pity.
..But I think most of all I’m scared that you might be right.
I can get into details, going back as far as six years but I won’t.. All I can say is that I’m glad you’re okay and that I’m sorry I couldn’t have done anything simple to help. One day I might have the balls to really apologize in person, and I hope we both live long enough to see that day come.
It still amazes me how girls these days can be so… overwhelmingly vulgar with their actions. I just got back from getting milk from 7Eleven and encountered a 25 year old Spanish girl who not only smacked my mom’s car with her hand but started bitching when we stepped out. This girl didn’t even look old and bitter with her life. (She was just fat and greasy looking.) But it gets worse— her friends in the car joined in with her. Seriously? ONE of them was enough, but together they made this noise that sounded kind of like something off Jersey Shore with a terrible lisp.
Wthell, seriously. I know I’ve mistreated you in the past but don’t you see my efforts in trying to make it up to you? I’m trying SO hard to keep myself from cutting you up or chemically burning you with hair dye. I’ve even tried to win you over with expensive ass treatments at the hair salon and gaurded you with heat protectant everytime I blow dry or use my hair straightener. I even use some crazy ass horse shampoo and conditioner to be easier on you guys. I did ALL OF THAT, and you repay me with massive amounts of oil and deciding to fall dull and flat in the middle of my day. Can you at least do what you’re supposed to do and freaking GROW already?! JEEEBUS…. This is no longer a healthy relationship, you and me. I’m going to do something about you. I swear.
So today was Father’s Day and I got him shoes.. He wanted/needed a new pair of casual loafers but he never said a word about it until I read it in his face when he was putting on his old pair. We’ve always had that kind of connection— unspoken. It’s been like that ever since I could remember. I got a huge chunk of my personality from him. Stubborn, laid back, and a pride bigger than even I can ever understand. I remember when I was very young, my sister told him to scold me for bothering her. He took me to the kitchen where he gave me a candy from the top cabinet and pretended to yell as I played along. Now that I’m getting older, the memories of us makes me more sad than happy. The most recent memories I have of him are those silent and short car rides when he drops me off at school every morning. The last time I gave him a hug was in 2008 when I came back home from Korea. He’s getting older, both of my parents actually. I should start eating at home more often or at least crawl out of my room once in a while.
There are some mornings when I wake up feeling like crying at the fact that I’m alive. But then there are some mornings when I wake up feeling like I’ve won a million dollars, and that’s what gets me out of bed on a day like today.
So lost in the moments when you’re in ‘em It’s the rage that took over, it controls you both So they say it’s best to go your separate ways Guess that they don’t know ya cause today, That was yesterday, yesterday is over It’s a different day
How many lives have I changed? How many times have I talked about Jesus to those who reject him? How long have I been absent from church? How many people have I judged? How much did I love? How much did I hate?
I won’t ever be able to look back on my life and be proud of the life I lived before Him, but I’m gonna keep fighting my demons because it’s the least I can do. I’m finding new hope in hopelessness.