In a few minutes I will be nineteen. I look back and ask myself what I’ve accomplished and I come up with nothing. Then I ask myself what good have I done to myself… Again, nothing. I wish I could re-do life.
“We all want to grow up. We’re desperate to get there. Grab all the opportunities we can to live. We’re so busy trying to get out of that mess, we don’t think about the fact that it’s going to be cold out there. Really freaking cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we’re standing there alone.”—Meredith Grey - ‘Almost Grown’ (via greys-anatomy-quotes)
I went to Korea for a short trip and roomed with a few English-speaking friends I met there. We all caught a strange disease that makes your body swell, ooze pus, and eventually break apart and die. All but two of us got it bad and I locked myself in my room with hand sanitizers until the cops broke into our house and took the healthy ones (me and my friend) to a horrible clinic that experiments on patients to find the cure. All of my friends passed away, including the one who came with me. But at the clinic I met a boy who appeared to be just as healthy as I am. They took my phone so I couldn’t get in contact with my family or Eric and I would rant to this boy how badly I want to go home. Time came and they gave me their new experiment; a pill to swallow. So I swallowed it thinking I was going to convulse and die but I didn’t. But the thought that I could pretend like I’m dead and escape came over me, so I pretended to seize and die. The boy I met at the clinic saw this and did the same. We got caught and got sent to the police, we filled out forms, and the lady at the counter understood our predicament and called us a cab to escape. We got to the airport 20 minutes before a plane was scheduled to leave for Korea and there was a FULL OUT SEARCH for me and my friend. Cops were EVERYWHERE. I had to tie my hair and throw away my watch to disguise myself (that surprisingly worked well) and we just had to wait. I was counting down the minutes until the departure time. It was fucking agonizing. I got the help of a few friends I met on the line to disguise us, but the cop saw him and we ran. Then I saw Eric. He came to save me. Just as Eric and my friend were introducing each other, a man came out of a shop nearby and shot my friend. Eric and I begged and got away. He drove us to a smaller airport where we could get on a plane back to America but cops were everywhere. They had helicopters, cars, dogs, etc. So I told Eric that he can’t be arrested and taken by the Korean cops because he was an American citizen and that we should say our goodbyes. But he decided to freaking speed past the cops and get to the airport. I woke up. EPIC.
You know how I know Grey’s Anatomy is not realistic? They have affairs, they have sex with their best friend who’s married, they have sex with their ex’s best friend, they have sex with a stranger who’s married, they have sex with eachother even though they’re married, then they divorce, date and have sex with their ex again. All the while, they’ve had sex with practically the entire hospital in between. Yet they are in a hospital working together with scalpels, syringes, and drugs of all kinds. How the fuck do they manage not to kill eachother? FAKE. If I were in Greys Anatomy, everyone would be dead.
I will never cease to suffer the consequences of procrastination because I’m just that stubborn and refuse to change. I’m completely hopeless. I should just drop out and live underneath the subways as a mole-person.
i am a christian. but i don't want to go to heaven. not that i want to go to hell, either. the idea of spending eternity anywhere is, quite frankly, terrifying. the thought of death has always been a comfort to me. i've always thought of death as peaceful, like a deep, dreamless sleep after a long, hard day.
but eternal life in heaven with god? that’s FOREVER. and i don’t know if i can do forever, especially an eternity in paradise, an eternity of perfection. life has it’s own unique charm because it’s a series of obstacles to be overcome and every day is a new challenge, an everlasting puzzle to be solved.